Just Perfect

Another December.

It has been 3 years of me being single.

And still have zero interest of remarriage.

No, I'm not traumatized. Not at all.

My life now is just perfect.

Me, my self. My son. My carrier.

I couldn't ask for more.

Back then on 2017.

How horrible I was at that time.

I was broken mentally & financially.

I thought it would be better If I were died.

I couldn't hold on for long time.

I'm glad I was brave enough to ask for professional help.

Journaling & meditation helped me get out from mental breakdown.

Thanks for leaving. It's time for happiness to come.

2 days left before 2021.

How tough I am now.

I have passed all the obstacles with pride.

I feel healthier both mentally & physically.

My financial is also getting better.

I'm not rich, but I'm enough, and that's all I need.

I have no debt, I have saving, I have investment.

I'm surrounded by good people.

They are all lovely friends & supportive colleagues.

I'm grateful to have a courage to walk out from people who break me down.

Unbloomed Flower

The withered flower finally blooms.

Blooming after so many tough seasons.

The beautiful flower with charming petals.

Until one day the flower is picked.

Those charming petals fall off and they are thrown away.

And the sun looked down at the flower and said,

"you are too full of everything

that make you whole to ever be loved in halves."

Where flowers bloom, so does hope.

For every flowers lose their petals every year.

And they still stand tall,

wait for better days to come.

Image courtesy of April Green

Like wildflowers,

she must allow herself to grow

in all the places people thought she never would.

Home

Jakarta.

I don't know how much time is left until I finally leave this city.

My kind of love-hate relationship.

One thing I love the most about Jakarta, the city lights.

One thing I hate the most about Jakarta, the people.

People refers to those who treat me wrong.

I never thought before that life would be this hard.

The biggest lesson in my life I've learned in this city. 

Many smiles, many more tears.

Many obstacles, many more blessings.

At the end of the day, having a grateful heart was the only savior.

Let us go home.

But where to go?

No place to go home.

Journaling

For the past 6 weeks, I've been writing a journal regularly.
According to my integrative life coach, journaling is one of the effective healing processes.
Journaling is like whispering to myself and listening at the same time.
I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my journal and feel relieved.
Besides writing a journal, I also practice meditation.
And sure enough, the benefits are felt psychologically.
I'm being a happier, more loving, optimistic, and positive person.

I have taught myself how to figure out if what I'm feeling is real or another trick my brain is making me feel.
It's not easy dealing with something you don't quite understand.
But we can choose not to let it control us.
Sometimes it helps to write things down.
Writing in a journal each days allow you to direct your focus to what you accomplished,
what you're grateful for and what you're committed to doing better tomorrow.
Thus, you more deeply enjoy your journey each day.

If you struggle too maybe this will help.
Write down what you're feeling.
Exactly.
Write down what is happening in your life, but the trick is you have to be honest.
Really honest.
Be honest about what is good and bad.
There are 3 points that must be in your writing: what do you feel, what you're grateful for, and positive affirmations.
And then take accountability for it.
If you feel sad but know that it's not because your life is bad, but because your mind is a little different.
That's okay.
Now that you have some perspective and some truth you can work on it.
Take accountability for yourself, be kind to yourself but also be honest.

It's okay not to be okay.

Now and Back Then

 
This photo was taken 2 years ago.
What I had that day was apparently different than what I have today.
We never know what the future hold, life is full of surprises. 
Everything's good now and back then, just different type of goodness.
For sure, in just 2 years, so many things happened and changed.
Both personal and career life. 
At that moment, I was family of 3. At this moment, I am family of 2.
Not to mention about the divorce, that's fine.
Divorce is not something forbidden, legally and religiously.
But hey, I am a single mother right now.
Happiness & strength of being a single mother are not felt by all women.
God chooses me because I'm special, I'm strong enough to hit this challenge.
I lost one member of my family, but God sends me many good people to come.
My creative team, colleagues, friends from the communities I've engaged.
They are my support system. They are going to take me higher.
About career life, I'm getting better every single day.
2 years ago, I was a seller of retail products with my own brand.
Today, I'm not only a seller, but also a tutor and an author.
My tutorials have been published by national and international print media.
I have my own book, sold throughout Indonesia, even to overseas.
I have adapted my love of teaching and training on being a tutor.
I'm sharing ideas about sewing craft to my community.
What failed me in the past become the lesson that gets me to where I am right now. 

One thing I want to emphasize: one door closed, another door opens.
Because real success is how high we bounce after we hit bottom.
I take all the process as well.
Human makes mistake, learn from it, and grow.
We don't grow when things are easy, we grow when things get difficult.
For the real winner, there are no finish line.
Remember, everyone has their own struggles, and we're in this together.